I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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