I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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