My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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