Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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