i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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