In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
