well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
