My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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