Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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