fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
