cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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