i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
