How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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