Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
