her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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