I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
