I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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