I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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