I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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