last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
