if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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