just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I looked at my own cervix.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
