16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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