Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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