worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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