i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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