similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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