I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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