tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
