It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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