I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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