I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
