strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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