Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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