I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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