So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
