I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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