i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
