I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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