i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
