did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
