I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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