my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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