There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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