i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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