I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
