sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
