I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
