On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
