i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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