it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
