i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
