She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
