Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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