I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
