We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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