i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
