Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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