"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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