I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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