Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
