You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We just shotgunned beers for America
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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