so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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