puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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