They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
