WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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