im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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