happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
