oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
