So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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