I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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