i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
