if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
