When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
