dude i'm inner monologue high
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
