so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
