Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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