I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
