Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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